


Denial

by somethin_random (wordsaremyfaith)



Category: The OC
Genre: Angst, Ficlet, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-04
Updated: 2004-12-04
Packaged: 2018-04-16 05:32:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4613058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordsaremyfaith/pseuds/somethin_random
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth angsts. Future-fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial

Seth is broken. Not literally and not in some profound, poetic sense. In a way that burns with no aesthetic value whatsoever.

Seth likes to think of himself as an artist and an individual, but the truth is, without Ryan, there's no Seth. He might simply cease to exist. Just as he began existing when Ryan showed up ten years ago.

Seth is broken because the other night Ryan called to jubilantly ask if he'd be Ryan's best man in his wedding to Christine. He had choked out "Of course, dude," but he felt as though someone had repeatedly run him over with a bulldozer and left him there to die. All he's wanted since day one was Ryan. And Ryan never found out. And never will.

Ryan's wedding is in three months, and Seth will go and stand in front of the church with Trey, Mike and Luke, and he'll pretend to be fine, and if anyone sees him brushing a stray tear out of his eye, he'll claimed to be moved by the ceremony. And it won't be a lie, because Seth is fine. Or he will be. He's not in love with Ryan. Really. He's not.

And this feeling… it will go away with time. Seth will meet a man and settle down, or he'll meet a woman and get married, and he will finally think of Ryan as a brother, the way he was supposed to have thought of him the whole time.

And one day, Seth will be able to look Christine in the eye without the slightest tinge of jealousy. One day, he'll be able to walk down the street past hundreds of short blond men and not think of Ryan at all.

If Ryan is perfect, it is because Seth's imagination has made him that way. So Ryan can't be perfect, because no one is. Ryan's hand wouldn't fit perfectly in Seth's, and Ryan's lips wouldn't be soft pressed against his, and Ryan's body wouldn't fit the curves in his perfectly.

One day, Seth will stop thinking about telling Ryan the truth, because it won't be true anymore.

One day, Seth will stop being in denial.

But not today.


End file.
